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Funny Court Transcripts

We’ve found some very real, and very funny court transcripts. We hope you enjoy them. Tell us about your funny transcripts.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

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Q: Were you acquainted with the defendant?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: Before or after he died?

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Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?

A: She is my daughter.

Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

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Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?

A: I could see his head.

Q: And where was his head?

A: Just above his shoulders.

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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

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Q: (Showing man picture.) Is that you?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: And you were present when the picture was taken, right?

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